Misc.

I passed all my classes! Yay! Money...we'll see.

Last night I went to the Brian Setzer Concert with Rachele. Melissa was there! I've missed her so. She brings out my "bad girl" side. I posed on cars, and with backlot props at Universal. I have pictures with Bruce the shark from Jaws and the Delorean from Back to the Future. She also told me one of the best stories ever. It was awesome. We didn't get to do our signature sexy pose with the piano, as seen below, however:

So Many Celebrity Pregnancies

But first, an aside. It is ridiculously windy right now.

Three celebrities announced their pregnancies this week. First, Jessica Alba. She is 26 (I think) and has been with her boyfriend a long time, although they were recently broken up. She is not married. Then there was Lilly Allen. She is a British pop singer. She is 22 and has been with her boyfriend, who is 39, for four months. Last, but definitely not least, there is 16 year old Jamie-Lynn Spears, sister of Britney. She has been on and off with her boyfriend for a few years. Currently, they are off. He is 19. The only one of these that I can see being wanted would be Ms. Alba (I'm doing this NY Times style apparently), but somehow I doubt it. Now I am not opposed to pre-marital sex, nor am I opposed to having children out of wedlock, although I don't think it's an ideal choice. With that said, LOOK INTO FREAKING BIRTH CONTROL!!!!! God. If you are having sex and you do not want to have a baby, use a condom. Go on the Pill. Do both. Perhaps I'm projecting, because the thought of having a baby is terrifying. I think this would bother me less if I felt any of these women/girls were able to care for a child, but I don't.

The Decline and Fall of Western Civilization

I think I may have mentioned this before (this is where using tags would come in handy). I know I've talked to some people about this. The decline of western civilization is here, and contrary to my father's beliefs, it is not the slow elimination of shoes and socks from our wardrobes. No. It is "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila," on MTV. I saw part of the first episode one day when I was at the gym with no sound, and I was horrified. Today there was a marathon, so this morning I watched the first episode in full. It is obviously conceived by a teenage boy. The show features Tila Tequila, best known for having more "friends" than anyone else on MySpace (I think). Apparently she is bisexual, although no one knew up until that very episode! Shocker (insert obscene "shocker" gesture here)! The eipsode starts out like any normal dating show--Tila meets 16 male suitors, each of whom showers her with attention and gifts. Fighting ensues. She then eliminates 5. Later that night, the women show up. Hot girl-on-girl action ensues. Instead of gifts, they each were supposed to bring a "sexy" outfit to show Tila. Then there is a fashion show, where each girl dresses up in the sluttiest costume they can think of. My personal fave was the girl that wore playing cards on a string. They might as well walk out naked, since obviously that's the point. The next day Tila springs the surprise on her 22 suitors that she is bisexual. Shocked looks abound. And...episode. Tonight is the season finale and Tila has to choose. Who will it be? Male or female? God. This appears to me to be the male fantasy of girls making out with each other and then turning the lesbian straight once she finds the right man. I don't know if she will pick a man or a woman, but I sort of think she'll pick a man. MTV is just pandering to the audience just to shock and titillate them. It's one of the most disgusting things I've ever watched (and I watch a lot of crap).

Sometimes I look at the pictures of people I went to high school with on Facebook and I think to myself, "don't you people have jobs?" I mean really. Apparently all they do is go to clubs at night and hang out by the pool at Hollywood hotels all day. It's like they're almost socialites. It's something that is completely foreign to me.

Finals

I do NOT recommend taking finals with the stomach flu. Yesterday was horrible. I managed to make it through the exam, although the last 30 minutes were a bit dicey. I feel pretty good about what I did, though, considering I spent all weekend studying. The parts I missed I don't think I would have got even if I had been well. Unfortunately, though, I felt even worse when I went back to my apartment, so I didn't get any studying done. I got into bed at 1:30 and didn't get out of bed except to answer the door for my parents, who came to nurse me back to health. I slept from 3:30 to 5:30 and then from 9:30 to 9:30. It was still a bit difficult to study this morning, but I'm much better now. At least I can eat again.

Time to Go Home

Since coming to grad school, I think I have become an incredible bitch. I'm going back to my high-school mean-girl ways. I talk about people behind their backs and are nice to their face. I don't have the guts to tell them to leave me alone, so I am just not nice. I stand idly by, I think. I don't like that. I want to go back to the happy, nice (I hope) person that I was this summer. I don't want to feel so hard and judgmental. I don't think going home will help that, though, since I don't have that many Pomona people around to temper that behavior. I'm generally a very disciplined person, but I can't get out of this habit.

All I Want for Christmas...

My family is making me make a Christmas list. I don't really have time, but here are the things I really want:

1. A puppy
2. Someone to tell me what to do about grad school
3. A tire pressure gauge (this is the only thing I'm likely to get off this list)
4. To pass the first quarter
5. To keep my fellowship
6. A boyfriend (preferably the one I have in mind, but really anyone that makes me feel that way will work)

Time

I graduated from Pomona about six months ago. It feels like I was just in San Diego. It also feels like summer wasn't that long ago. That happiness was very ephemeral. I still feel very uncertain about my decision to go to graduate school, which is very rare for me. This is a decision I made when I was eight, and I rarely change my mind. For a while I thought I wasn't intellectually curious enough to be in grad school, because my classmates were always asking about the homework and wanted to delve deeper into it and really understand it, and I just wanted to do it and turn it in. I realize, though, that my intellectual curiousity lies elsewhere. I want to know about words and language and history and all these non-physics subjects. I want time to continue singing. I want to go learn ballroom dance and get good at it (and hopefully get the dancer's HOT body). Perhaps if I had a piano I'd take it up again, although my teacher at Pomona pretty much killed any enjoyment I got from it. Maybe these things will change once I get to take astronomy classes. I haven't done any of my homework this week. I'm so ready for Thanksgiving.

Fun Time!

A few fun links for your entertainment pleasure. In the past week and a half, I've read the entire archive of PHD Comics. A truly accurate description of grad school life. Sad, but true.

Additionally, XKCD is also hilarious. I shall leave you with a few choice selections, both funny and sad.
This one is astronomy related. It applies to me, in that I can rarely find those things.
This is sad, but very accurate.
Sad, but true. Again.
Classic.
Hilarious!
Hilarious! Again! If you're a nerd like me that uses UNIX/linux. If not, "sudo" is a command that lets you run something as the admin of the computer. You can google it if you care.

Lastly, to get yourself in the Thanksgiving mood, go listen to Alice's Restaurant Massacree.

Sick

I am sick. My ears are stuffy, my nose is stuffy, my throat hurts, and I can't breathe. In spite of (or perhaps because of) this, however, I did have a pretty good afternoon. I sat in bed and watched TV, read a chapter of Baym, and put some more pictures on my wall. I debate continuing this, though, because I do want to move in the near future. That's never going to happen, though, if I don't call up the housing office. I finally got to spend an afternoon by myself, not working. I think that has been lacking in my life. During the week I'm generally working in my office surrounded by lots of people, and when I'm at home I'm working. I need a lot of alone time where I can just decompress and I haven't been getting that lately. Even if I'm out having fun with people and not working, I still need to have time to myself. I think this is why I don't mind (actually, I think I might prefer) long-distance relationships. I like knowing that I have someone I can always talk to, but if I need to I can retreat to my own space. Also, I don't feel like I have to choose between my friends and my boyfriend. This, and the fact that I can't really live with someone else, however, does not bode well for my future when/if I do get married. I'm hoping that it's "when," but at this point I feel like it's "if."

I May Have Overreacted

I did not, in fact, fail my math midterm. I was right about average. I got the score I thought I was going to, but the average was a lot lower than I thought. So I will at least stick it out until the end of the quarter and reasses then.

Midterms, part the third

So I failed 2/3 midterms. Well, I assume I failed the third one, but I don't actually know. Also, if grad school were like normal school, I wouldn't have failed. A B- should not be a failing grade. Only one of my midterms was anything like the homework and examples we did in class. That's the one I "'passed." I use the term loosely. Right now I'm a bit concerned that I won't pass my classes this quarter, and if I do, I know my GPA won't be high enough to keep my fellowship. I'm a bit...disturbed by this, to say the least. It's very discouraging. I know I'm a smart person, but I don't feel like I am. I kind of hate it here. I miss my friends. I'm having housing issues, let's say, and my classes are miserable. The adjustment is taking longer than I thought it would, which seems to me that I might not actually be adjusting. When I feel like I'm failing at school, I feel like I'm failing at life, based on my experiences freshman year when I had to drop CS before I failed and I also broke up with Ryan. The two were in no way related, but they are intertwined in my mind. I'm tired all the time because I can't sleep, so basically I'm miserable. Cameron suggested that I ask you all for advice, although I'm not sure who reads this. So if you read it, now's the time to comment.

Basically, I have no life plan beyond get married, which is currently not a viable option. The people I wanted to marry have not returned the feeling, and my prospects here are bleak. Right now my plan is to stick it out for the rest of the quarter and see how things are in December. If things don't improve, I will not return in the winter and try to figure something else out. If in a year or two I decide this is really what I want to do, I will reapply. So I guess these are my options. Any insight would be helpful.

1. Stay in grad school despite being miserable. I will probably lose my fellowship, which would be embarassing. I also do not want to TA beyond the bare minimum, so I wouldn't have a lot of money. My parents said they would support me, but I don't want that.

2. Take time off to figure out my life. I don't know what I would do in this interim period. I would not want to do something physics or astronomy related, because I might as well stay in grad school for that. I would probably file at my uncle's office, which is really lame. If after a year or two I decide I want to go back, I will reapply. I have problems with this option because I think it woiuld be too much of a hassle to deal with leaving mid-year. Also, I don't know if I would come back to UCI or just reapply all over again. I haven't been here long enough to make it worth while to come back, and it would be weird seeing all my classmates way ahead of me.

3. Go to culinary school. I think I would like to a pastry chef. Unfortunately, culinary school is rather expensive. Also, I like cooking as a hobby, but I don't know if I would want to make a career out of it.

4. Go to law school. I don't want to study for the LSAT and the first year of law school is as miserable if not more so than the first year of grad school, so that seems silly. Really I would only be a lawyer for the money, the clothes, and since I would want to do entertainment law, the perks of tangential celebrity.

5. Apply for jobs that I haven't thought of yet. Suggestions welcome.

This is my dilemma. I don't really have time to think about it, though, because if I get behind on problem sets there is no catching up, and they are the only way I have a prayer of passing. Now it is time for bed, because I am exhausted. Ten bucks says I won't fall asleep for another hour. I need to go to the gym and see if that helps me work off my nerves.

Midterms, part the second

Midterms are terrible. I hate the quarter system. I just had my quantum one yesterday, and tomorrow is classical mechanics. None of the problems that he has given us in class or the problems from old tests have any relationship to the homework problems except on the most superficial level. They are also fucking hard. I spent all evening working on these problems and no one could figure out how to do them. Any of them. We could barely follow the solutions. It is going to be a tragedy of epic proportions, just like my love life.

How did Ryan get to be so hot? He lost weight and built muscle and is ridiculously hot (at least he looks it in his facebook picture). I don't really miss him, but it's still irritating. I do want someone to love, but there is no one here. How sad for me.

Midterms

Midterms are upon those of us on the quarter system. I am totally, utterly screwed. For my readers not in grad school, you may or may not know that passing in grad school (at least at UCI, I assume it's similar in other places) is a B. If you get a B-, you fail the class. I am on a fellowship that requires me to keep at least a 3.3 GPA. I don't see this happening, to be quite honest. It's something I am very worried about. I don't know why, since my physics GPA at Pomona was higher than this, but it's still scary, especially in quantum where there's no homework to help me out. I suppose if I fail I can come up with an alternative plan that doesn't involve a physics PhD, although I would be upset that I couldn't hack. The more I think about it, though, the more I really want to be a pastry chef.

Being a grad student sucks

I read almost 100 pages of quantum mechanics today. This was after failing miserably to do my math methods homework, which is taught by the worst professor I have ever had. He talks about theorems but never writes down what they are. He doesn't give us any examples that are similar to the homework, so I can't do it. All my classmates have seen this stuff before, so they've all done it. I also only slept for 3.5 hours last night, since I couldn't fall asleep after finishing my mechanics homework, which took a good 15 hours to do. I have so much work for the next 1.5 weeks, since midterms are upon us. Well, more than the barely manageable workload I have normally. There is also a professor here who reminds me of Tanenbaum, right down to the similar research they do. If you've heard me talk about Tanenbaum, you know my thoughts. This man is similarly a douchebag, although he is named Phil Collins, which is kind of fabulous. Out of everyone I've talked to, I'm the only person that is taking three graduate level courses, and all of them are in physics. Everyone is simultaneously freaking out about the quals (which are in April at the earliest), and midterms, which start Wednesday. And I don't even have to TA. I don't know what I'm going to do next quarter. The shock of attending a large institution still hasn't really worn off.

I wish I could make protected posts here, because if I could be sure certain people weren't reading I would have a whole lot more to rant about, but I don't want to anger people.

Jimmy Eat World!

I love Jimmy Eat World! I went to the concert in San Diego last night with Cameron. It was amazing. The opening band was ok; definitely better than I expected, but it was the opening band, so there you have it. JEW played for about an hour and a half; mostly stuff from the older albums. There were a few from the new one that just came out, which I am going to get. I might just buy it off iTunes, but I sort of would like to have a complete set of CDs. The only bad part was the super-drunk guy, and my fear of the mosh-pit. I wish my camera was working, and I didn't even take a cell phone picture, because that's sort of lame. The venue was packed, and we were pretty close to the stage. After, Cameron and I walked around downtown San Diego and had a drink. We both had beer floats with raspberry beer, which again, is basically a novelty item. As far as beer goes, though, it was pretty good.

I don't feel like I'm floundering quite as much this week. I've done a few quantum problems and a few math methods problems, and I'll do more tomorrow. I'm getting some cooking in, although it's hard to figure out what to do with some of my vegetables. I keep planning my meals out, and then things come up. Tomorrow I'm also doing general chores.

I'm trying to get some non-school reading in before bed every night, just to keep myself sane, so I'm off to do that. Granted I read shitty books, but still.

To elaborate on part of why I don't like it here, there's a big difference between going to a small, liberal arts college like Pomona and a huge public university like UCI. It's very impersonal here. My professors don't know me, and they're not really putting in the effort to get to know any of us. On the flip side, I could go introduce myself, but even then I'm not sure they would care. My quantum professor also doesn't teach us anything. He doesn't collect the homework, which he assigns a lot of, and he doesn't teach us how to do anything on it. I have no idea how I'm going to pass this class. And by pass I mean get a B-, since you can't get below that or you fail out. I also don't like that I live 30 min away from my classes. I have to take a shuttle and then walk 10-15 min. I might as well have lived off campus. Then I could at least justify buying a parking permit and driving to school. Everything here is such a bureaucracy, and nothing runs smoothly at all.

People-wise, it's ok. There are some people I like well enough, but there are others that drive me up a wall.

I had a whole thing written about how I hate it here, but then I realized I should probably censor myself a bit, although that sort of defeats the purpose of having a blog. Anyway, I'm not sure I want to come back next quarter, or even next week, really. If you would like to hear more about this, you can reach me privately and I will explain to you why I don't think I want to pursure this career path.

Oh my God, you guys, this is hilarious. Read it. You will laugh. And then browse, because it's a pretty funny comic.

Old Habits Die Hard

Yes, I am up and it's nearly 2:30 AM. This is the first time I've been up so late since coming back from Ojai. I had quite the night tonight. I went to a party with the first year physics grad students, and we watched Real Genius (which was filmed in Harwood, and it's super-obvious if you know Harwood). I left early, however, since some of us were going to go to the Rocky Horror Picture Show (stage version). It's a midnight show. I dress up in my fishnets, short skirt, and corset top, and some other people dress up as well. When we get there, it's dark, but we were there a bit early, so we went to get some food and come back. The theatre is still dark, so we're trying to figure out why. Brokk is thinking about it, and he says it's the right day, October fifth. And then I realized, no, that was last night. So then we went to a bar. It was fun.

Question of the Day

Should I get an iPhone? It would be an early Christmas present from my uncle. Pros: IT'S AN iPHONE!!!! Cons: Montly plan is somewhat expensive. I've also heard that AT&T has bad reception in Irvine, which defeats the whole purpose of getting a new phone.

Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week

And now it is time for the triumphant (although most-likely short-lived) return of The Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV This Week (and the week is still young, but I know nothing will top this). This week it is Gossip Girl. I didn't think it could get more bitchy than it was last week, but I was so very, very wrong. The cat-fight during the field hockey game was fabulous. It was Awesome.

So this weekend I am going on a real date. The last date I went on was with John. Also, physics is going to kick my ass. I'm not sure that this is the right thing for me. That's too much angst and requires more explanation than I'm willing to give right now.

iMac

Guess who's getting a new iMac? Correct answer: Rachel!!! Now before you say "Holy crap, Rachel, you just got a new laptop last summer!" here's the background. I have a fellowship here at UCI. As part of that fellowship, they gave me a MacBook. Last summer, I did get a MacBook pro. Since the MacBook is smaller, it seemed silly to start using it, since I've put 50.1G on my hardrive in a little over a year, and the MacBook is only 80G. My parents need a new computer, so I'm going to "sell" them the MacBook and they're going to make up the different in getting the iMac. I hope they go for the 320G one, but the 250G one is cheaper and still a lot of space. I'm not really sure what to do with my laptop now, however.

World's Stupidest Commercial

Commercials can be pretty stupid. Commercials for the Pill can be even stupider. There's a new one for some birth control pill that gives you shorter periods. The girl is sitting on the beach, texting her friend about this pill. Who the fuck sits on the beach texting their friends about birth control? It's absolutely mind-boggling how fucking stupid this is.

Also, I need a new cell-phone contract. Well, I suppose I could go month to month, which is what I'm doing now, but it feels like I should have a contract. I saw an ad for Sprint that pissed me off so much about how for 10.5 million dollars you can get a Blackberry. And your own private island. That disgusts me. I was going to switch to Verizon, but now I actually get good reception with Sprint, and Verizon is also angering me because they won't allow people to text the Pro-Choice people for information (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/27/us/27verizon.html?ex=1348632000&en=a1232dee7638e939&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink). I also really like the polar bear that lives in my phone (no I am not crazy). I need advice.

I have become disillusioned with teaching. What little desire I had has been completely obliterated. In a big university they actually do everything based on the bell curve, even if the average is 90%. The person with the 89% gets a C+ because he or she happens to fall on the wrong side of the mean. I guess this works at a big place, but not so much somewhere like Pomona. So if I want to teach, I'd definitely have to do it somewhere small, but that would mean less research, which is what I really want to do.

Tomorrow is the first day of classes. Yay, mathematical physics. Feel the excitement.

One of the Guys

There are five female incoming grad students in physics. The rest are boys. I realize that this is going to severely hinder my party-throwing, since that's just not a good ratio. They alternate between sexually harassing me and treating me like one of the guys by being horribly inappropriate. I'm used to it, and it's sometimes amusing, but damn it I want to be treated like a girl sometimes. It also doesn't help that I've been watching Entourage, which is totally a guy show. It is amusing, though.

Right now I miss everything and everyone at Pomona and from this summer. I had an amazing time from May until the start of August. It's just not the same here, and I dislike change. I've been meeting the new grad students. Already there's office drama. There's not the same connection. I know I haven't known them that long, but I felt like my sponsor group was getting close even at the beginning, and the TAs this summer got along really well, even from the start. Granted there were only 5 of us and we basically spent 24/7 together, but it was like we had known each other a lot longer. I don't think there is any romantic potential here. The tall people are just not cute, and there isn't anyone that I really feel like I get along super well with. Right now I just feel so lonely. Have I mentioned lately how much it irks me to have conversations online with people that just leave you without a word? I'm guilty of it as well, and I probably wouldn't be so pissed if it was someone else. I just feel like friendship works two ways, and each person has to put in the effort. I don't want to be the one always initiating contact. If you know someone that you purportedly care about is starting a new school, wouldn't you be curious to know how things were going? I think I'm overly sensitive to this.

Many Things

I am currently in my new apartment at UCI. It is starting to take shape, although there is a distinct lack of shelving. I have a lot of books. I am already a trouble-maker. I was assigned one room in the apartment, but I didn't like it so I asked to switch to the other one. It has more windows, although the bathroom is not as nice. They had to call up my roommate and ask her if she would mind switching. I feel bad for her, since I have so much stuff. I'm trying to be fair about it, though, and leave equal amounts of space in common areas. The kitchen is really nice, though. It's pretty big, given the size of the apartment. I wish it had a gas stove, but you can't have everything. I'm also surprised that my mom was able to fit the futon in the living room. I have a futon. You should come sleep on it. I even have super-cool/super-nerdy space sheets to go with it. I have a full-size bed for the first time ever. I also have my own office in the physics building. Well, I share it with seven other boys. UCI is huge. There are multiple shopping complexes, and tonight we went with my grandparents to a fairly nice restaurtant in one of those complexes. Like a real restaurant, not like the the Sagehen Cafe. I don't know where anything is. I miss Pomona, which was small and comforting. I know where everything is there, and it didn't take me long to learn the campus when I was new. I miss having people to talk to. On my first day at Pomona when I was lonely and didn't know anyone, I called up Ryan. I don't really have anyone (read: a boyfriend) to talk to.

Last night I went to a party for one of my Marlborough friends. It was at Busby's, which is supposed to be a sports bar. When I thing sports bar, I think more like Hooters but without the scantily-clad waitresses. I think chicken wings, beer, and TVs with sports on them. I drive up to the place, and see a line out front. Luckily I'm from LA, so I know that you have to look nice basically everywhere, but I felt underdressed with my flip-flops. I realized that I like going out to parties when I'm arriving with friends and there is a specific purpose. Wandering at Pomona is OK, since I would be with friends. I don't want to wander from club to club, however. I liked partying at Pomona better, because I felt safer. And I didn't have to drive anywhere. When I'm in the mood to party, I can be quite the party-girl, and I do like to throw festive gatherings. Preferably with fancy dress or costumes. RIght now, though, I'm not really feeling the whole party scene. I just want to stay at home and read.

I did end up seeing Peter when I was in New York. We had a really good time together. We went to the Museum of Natural History, and then we walked through Central Park for a while. We also had dinner at The Hummus Place, but I was feeling really sick, so I didn't eat all that much. The weather was kind of crappy, but I had fun, and I looked cute (Peter, if you're reading this, I did wear the boots in part because of you). We talked (not about Us, but a good conversation). There were no awkward silences; only companiable ones. The kind of silence that can only be had between good friends. I felt like there was a bit of unspoken sexual tension, but that could have just been me. I'm glad that we got to spend the time together.

P.S. To my stalker Emily--Are you Stryker or Knouf? Or a completely different Emily? Please don't be offended that I can't tell.

Today I successfully navigated the NYC subway system. Go me!

Self Control

I am going to go back to trying to be good and less of a stalker. I'm going to NYC tomorrow, and hopefully I'll get everything out of my system. Then I will go to UCI and meet new people and find the love of my life. I will it to be so.

Today I went to the LA County fair with my parents. This would have been fine except for the fact that I'm 22, not 12. My parents don't seem to understand why I think this is ridiculous, but I know there is no way that at 22 they would have been going to the County fair with their parents. They see that it's hard for me to be at home with no friends, but they don't see that it's kind of lame for us to still have family outings.

Because I don't really have friends at home anymore, I guess it's good that I'm going to New York. I'm frustrated, however, by people's inability to make plans. I'm not sure it's an inability, really, or that he just doesn't care. I'm tired of having to always initiate the conversation. I asked him to let me know when he was available, so the ball is in his court. I know that if I want to make it happen I should just say, "Hey, what day are you available?" but I really don't want to be that girl. In all of my relationships (platonic or otherwise) I feel that both parties have to put in the effort. I inititated, now you must follow-up. It just feels like he doesn't want to see me, which is fine, I just wish he would come out and say it. Perhaps I'm being paranoid. Honestly, though, this is a problem I face a lot and could also explain why I don't see (m)any of my friends from high school. I do have to plan out this trip, though, so I'm going to have to deal with it tomorrow. It also looks like not-so-great weather. I want fall weather so I can look cute!

What does one do with jewelry from ex-boyfriends? And really all things that remind you of said ex-boyfriend. I'm cleaning out my room, so I'm going through all my jewelry. I found the bracelet Ryan gave me for my 19th birthday. It's a really nice bracelet, and I wore it every day while we were together. I really like it a lot. It's one of my favorite bracelets, actually. I think I could wear it now without getting upset, but I think it would be weird. I really don't know what to do about the ring, though. I haven't encountered the necklace yet, but that wasn't quite as nice as the bracelet, so I don't care as much. I'm also not sure what to do about the picture in the frame with the note on the back about how he would love me forever. It is quite the dilemma.

I also have some perfume that his little sister gave to me. I think I can trash that, though. Thoughts?

The Elegant Universe

I finally read this book. I hated it. It was incredibly dull and incredibly self-satisfied. I did not think it was clearly written. While string theory is interesting, I feel like instead of trying to make our world fit into the 11-dimensional one necessary for string theory we should try and find a theory that describes the world we see. One of the last sections talked about whether or not string theory could be backed up experimentally. Greene never explicitly says no, but it is heavily implied that that is the case.

Back from Vacation

We are back very early, since Belize is directly in the path of Hurricane Felix. I feel bad that my mom didn't get to see the barrier reef, but when I'm on vacation it's very lonely for me, since I'm even more isolated than I am when I'm at home.

A summary of the last 4 years

Welcome to my new blog! I've been wanting to shut down my xanga for quite some time now, and I thought I would just give up on the whole journaling/blogging/whatever thing completely, but I decided not to. I hope that more people read this, and if you do, let me know. I want to be honest and open and describe everything, but I also want people to read this and not hate me. With that in mind, I think that if I talk about people I will try to use cleverly disguised pseudonyms. We'll see how this works out.

With that in mind, I'll try and summarize the last four years. Physics is hard and frustrating and my romantic life is full of failures. If you're a new reader, you can go back and read my old posts at www.xanga.com/tigrr1313. Be aware, however, that there are no cleverly disguised pseudonyms here.