You're Violating My Free Speech!

Oy vey, where to begin. So apparently some outside group invited Heather McDonald to speak at the Athenaeum at CMC. Heather McDonald massages a lot of crime statistics to come to the racially motivated conclusion that somehow black people just commit more crime, and that's why they end up in jail. Students got pissed, blocked her access to the Ath, so she gave her speech from a different room and it was broadcast on Youtube. You can imagine how that went with conservatives, who got worked up into a tizzy about free speech (forgetting that since the government didn't censor her, her free speech wasn't violated. Their grasp on the Constitution is tenuous, at best). Now, you may be thinking, "Rachel, how the fuck did this come across your radar?" Well, the free speech brigade in the Pomona College Alumni Facebook group had their panties in a twist, and CLEARLY needed to talk about how in their day this never would have happened, liberal snowflakes, safe spaces, cry babies, etc. They got called out for racist behavior, because, well, they were being racist. That did not sit well with them, because apparently you can't be racist unless you're literally in the KKK and burning crosses (unless those crosses are art pieces that you stole from Pomona students and just burnt for fun, you didn't know what it meant, honest! You're just an uneducated engineer from Harvey Mudd! Hey-oh! Look at me, insulting ALL the Claremont Colleges here). One of the alums got real mad because he got called a racist, so he claims he called the LA County District Attorney's office, and claims that they are going to investigate criminal charges. Here is how I imagine that conversation going (much of the dialogue is paraphrased from his comments):

LA County District Attorney's Office:  Hello, LA County District Attorney's Office, how can I help you?
Jake*:  There is a free speech violation going on at CMC!
DA:  Can you elaborate?
Jake:  Some protestor's protested!
DA:  Sir, that's not a violation of free speech.
Jake:  No, you don't understand, then I was called...a RACIST!!!!
DA:...
Jake:  Can you believe it?  And then some uppity bitch called me a bro!  A BRO!!!!  That's the real hate speech.
DA:  Sir, that's not hate speech.
Jake:  But I looked it up on Wikipedia!
DA, under her breath:  Please, for the love of God, make this phone call stop...
DA, aloud:  Sir, that's really not hate speech.
Jake:  But what about when they called me a racist?  I supported Black Lives Matter, for God's sake!
DA:  Support...ed?
Jake:  Well, then they interrupted St. Bernie, and so I don't support them anymore.  They're a bunch of thugs, just like the kids that shut down this talk.
DA:  So, your support of the movement was predicated on how they treated an old white guy?
Jake:  I don't know what predicated means, but it sounds like you're calling me a racist!
DA:  If the shoe fits...
Jake:  I need to speak to your supervisor!  I'm going to get you fired.  And if you're DACAmented, I'm not going to call ICE, but I'm still going to threaten to do so!
DA:  I'm hanging up now.  Goodbye.

Jake, later:  They're totally looking into this as a criminal matter.

FIN

There's so much more, but I couldn't get it all in.

*Name not changed, because Jake's an asshole.  Fuck Jake.