iMac

Guess who's getting a new iMac? Correct answer: Rachel!!! Now before you say "Holy crap, Rachel, you just got a new laptop last summer!" here's the background. I have a fellowship here at UCI. As part of that fellowship, they gave me a MacBook. Last summer, I did get a MacBook pro. Since the MacBook is smaller, it seemed silly to start using it, since I've put 50.1G on my hardrive in a little over a year, and the MacBook is only 80G. My parents need a new computer, so I'm going to "sell" them the MacBook and they're going to make up the different in getting the iMac. I hope they go for the 320G one, but the 250G one is cheaper and still a lot of space. I'm not really sure what to do with my laptop now, however.

World's Stupidest Commercial

Commercials can be pretty stupid. Commercials for the Pill can be even stupider. There's a new one for some birth control pill that gives you shorter periods. The girl is sitting on the beach, texting her friend about this pill. Who the fuck sits on the beach texting their friends about birth control? It's absolutely mind-boggling how fucking stupid this is.

Also, I need a new cell-phone contract. Well, I suppose I could go month to month, which is what I'm doing now, but it feels like I should have a contract. I saw an ad for Sprint that pissed me off so much about how for 10.5 million dollars you can get a Blackberry. And your own private island. That disgusts me. I was going to switch to Verizon, but now I actually get good reception with Sprint, and Verizon is also angering me because they won't allow people to text the Pro-Choice people for information (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/27/us/27verizon.html?ex=1348632000&en=a1232dee7638e939&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink). I also really like the polar bear that lives in my phone (no I am not crazy). I need advice.

I have become disillusioned with teaching. What little desire I had has been completely obliterated. In a big university they actually do everything based on the bell curve, even if the average is 90%. The person with the 89% gets a C+ because he or she happens to fall on the wrong side of the mean. I guess this works at a big place, but not so much somewhere like Pomona. So if I want to teach, I'd definitely have to do it somewhere small, but that would mean less research, which is what I really want to do.

Tomorrow is the first day of classes. Yay, mathematical physics. Feel the excitement.

One of the Guys

There are five female incoming grad students in physics. The rest are boys. I realize that this is going to severely hinder my party-throwing, since that's just not a good ratio. They alternate between sexually harassing me and treating me like one of the guys by being horribly inappropriate. I'm used to it, and it's sometimes amusing, but damn it I want to be treated like a girl sometimes. It also doesn't help that I've been watching Entourage, which is totally a guy show. It is amusing, though.

Right now I miss everything and everyone at Pomona and from this summer. I had an amazing time from May until the start of August. It's just not the same here, and I dislike change. I've been meeting the new grad students. Already there's office drama. There's not the same connection. I know I haven't known them that long, but I felt like my sponsor group was getting close even at the beginning, and the TAs this summer got along really well, even from the start. Granted there were only 5 of us and we basically spent 24/7 together, but it was like we had known each other a lot longer. I don't think there is any romantic potential here. The tall people are just not cute, and there isn't anyone that I really feel like I get along super well with. Right now I just feel so lonely. Have I mentioned lately how much it irks me to have conversations online with people that just leave you without a word? I'm guilty of it as well, and I probably wouldn't be so pissed if it was someone else. I just feel like friendship works two ways, and each person has to put in the effort. I don't want to be the one always initiating contact. If you know someone that you purportedly care about is starting a new school, wouldn't you be curious to know how things were going? I think I'm overly sensitive to this.

Many Things

I am currently in my new apartment at UCI. It is starting to take shape, although there is a distinct lack of shelving. I have a lot of books. I am already a trouble-maker. I was assigned one room in the apartment, but I didn't like it so I asked to switch to the other one. It has more windows, although the bathroom is not as nice. They had to call up my roommate and ask her if she would mind switching. I feel bad for her, since I have so much stuff. I'm trying to be fair about it, though, and leave equal amounts of space in common areas. The kitchen is really nice, though. It's pretty big, given the size of the apartment. I wish it had a gas stove, but you can't have everything. I'm also surprised that my mom was able to fit the futon in the living room. I have a futon. You should come sleep on it. I even have super-cool/super-nerdy space sheets to go with it. I have a full-size bed for the first time ever. I also have my own office in the physics building. Well, I share it with seven other boys. UCI is huge. There are multiple shopping complexes, and tonight we went with my grandparents to a fairly nice restaurtant in one of those complexes. Like a real restaurant, not like the the Sagehen Cafe. I don't know where anything is. I miss Pomona, which was small and comforting. I know where everything is there, and it didn't take me long to learn the campus when I was new. I miss having people to talk to. On my first day at Pomona when I was lonely and didn't know anyone, I called up Ryan. I don't really have anyone (read: a boyfriend) to talk to.

Last night I went to a party for one of my Marlborough friends. It was at Busby's, which is supposed to be a sports bar. When I thing sports bar, I think more like Hooters but without the scantily-clad waitresses. I think chicken wings, beer, and TVs with sports on them. I drive up to the place, and see a line out front. Luckily I'm from LA, so I know that you have to look nice basically everywhere, but I felt underdressed with my flip-flops. I realized that I like going out to parties when I'm arriving with friends and there is a specific purpose. Wandering at Pomona is OK, since I would be with friends. I don't want to wander from club to club, however. I liked partying at Pomona better, because I felt safer. And I didn't have to drive anywhere. When I'm in the mood to party, I can be quite the party-girl, and I do like to throw festive gatherings. Preferably with fancy dress or costumes. RIght now, though, I'm not really feeling the whole party scene. I just want to stay at home and read.

I did end up seeing Peter when I was in New York. We had a really good time together. We went to the Museum of Natural History, and then we walked through Central Park for a while. We also had dinner at The Hummus Place, but I was feeling really sick, so I didn't eat all that much. The weather was kind of crappy, but I had fun, and I looked cute (Peter, if you're reading this, I did wear the boots in part because of you). We talked (not about Us, but a good conversation). There were no awkward silences; only companiable ones. The kind of silence that can only be had between good friends. I felt like there was a bit of unspoken sexual tension, but that could have just been me. I'm glad that we got to spend the time together.

P.S. To my stalker Emily--Are you Stryker or Knouf? Or a completely different Emily? Please don't be offended that I can't tell.

Today I successfully navigated the NYC subway system. Go me!

Self Control

I am going to go back to trying to be good and less of a stalker. I'm going to NYC tomorrow, and hopefully I'll get everything out of my system. Then I will go to UCI and meet new people and find the love of my life. I will it to be so.

Today I went to the LA County fair with my parents. This would have been fine except for the fact that I'm 22, not 12. My parents don't seem to understand why I think this is ridiculous, but I know there is no way that at 22 they would have been going to the County fair with their parents. They see that it's hard for me to be at home with no friends, but they don't see that it's kind of lame for us to still have family outings.

Because I don't really have friends at home anymore, I guess it's good that I'm going to New York. I'm frustrated, however, by people's inability to make plans. I'm not sure it's an inability, really, or that he just doesn't care. I'm tired of having to always initiate the conversation. I asked him to let me know when he was available, so the ball is in his court. I know that if I want to make it happen I should just say, "Hey, what day are you available?" but I really don't want to be that girl. In all of my relationships (platonic or otherwise) I feel that both parties have to put in the effort. I inititated, now you must follow-up. It just feels like he doesn't want to see me, which is fine, I just wish he would come out and say it. Perhaps I'm being paranoid. Honestly, though, this is a problem I face a lot and could also explain why I don't see (m)any of my friends from high school. I do have to plan out this trip, though, so I'm going to have to deal with it tomorrow. It also looks like not-so-great weather. I want fall weather so I can look cute!

What does one do with jewelry from ex-boyfriends? And really all things that remind you of said ex-boyfriend. I'm cleaning out my room, so I'm going through all my jewelry. I found the bracelet Ryan gave me for my 19th birthday. It's a really nice bracelet, and I wore it every day while we were together. I really like it a lot. It's one of my favorite bracelets, actually. I think I could wear it now without getting upset, but I think it would be weird. I really don't know what to do about the ring, though. I haven't encountered the necklace yet, but that wasn't quite as nice as the bracelet, so I don't care as much. I'm also not sure what to do about the picture in the frame with the note on the back about how he would love me forever. It is quite the dilemma.

I also have some perfume that his little sister gave to me. I think I can trash that, though. Thoughts?

The Elegant Universe

I finally read this book. I hated it. It was incredibly dull and incredibly self-satisfied. I did not think it was clearly written. While string theory is interesting, I feel like instead of trying to make our world fit into the 11-dimensional one necessary for string theory we should try and find a theory that describes the world we see. One of the last sections talked about whether or not string theory could be backed up experimentally. Greene never explicitly says no, but it is heavily implied that that is the case.

Back from Vacation

We are back very early, since Belize is directly in the path of Hurricane Felix. I feel bad that my mom didn't get to see the barrier reef, but when I'm on vacation it's very lonely for me, since I'm even more isolated than I am when I'm at home.